Wide Awake in Bright Darkness
by VampireChick48
Summary: Set sometime in season 8, slightly AU. Meredith is plagued by constant headaches. When it turns out she is very ill, how will the tight-knit community of Seattle Grace Mercy West cope with the loss of one of their own? Doesn't mean what you think it means


**Hello dear reader!**

**Okay so I know I haven't updated any of my fics in faaaaaar to long, and yeahh they're all on hiatus and I'm deciding which ones to continue, and okay I should have updated them first, but I couldn't help myself! **

**So this is the first time I've written for Grey's Anatomy, which I'm like, completely obsessed with! But I've been sitting on this story for a while now, and I'm actually really pleased with how it's turned out, and I couldn't wait to share it with you, so here it is! :D**

**ENJOY! :D **

**-Chloe**

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**Wide Awake in Bright Darkness**

**Chapter 1 – Out of control**

As surgeons we like to pretend that we have complete control. We have to, because when we don't, that's when we make mistakes, and that's when people die. When we pick up our shiny silver scalpels, nothing else in the world can matter. All the drama, the boyfriends, the best friends, it all just slides away. At the end of the day, when we finally have to put down our shiny silver scalpels, leave the sanctuary of the OR and face the real world, it all comes crashing down.

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Meredith Grey rolled over in the half light of the early morning to face her McDreamy who – as usual – was already awake and grinning at his wife.

"Good morning" He said, leaning over to kiss her gently,

"It is now." She replied with a warm smile. She wanted to just lay there and savour this sweet moment for a while, but apparently that wasn't going to be an option, as her alarm clock reminded her a moment later. Meredith groaned and pulled a pillow over her head in a vain attempt to block out the harsh ringing sound. Beside her the alarm clock continued to blare, so she reached out and hit the area where it should have been. She patted the cabinet top blindly, still having no success, until she felt a warm weight lay itself gently across her stomach and finally the alarm was quiet. She positioned the pillow back underneath her head, and laughed at Derek, who was lying peacefully across her middle. A moment later he propped himself up on one elbow, and she moaned at the sudden increase in pressure over her stomach. "Ow!" She yelled, shoving him off,

"Sorry," He grinned, and she couldn't help but grin back. Suddenly there was a loud, insistent knock at the door.

"Mer are you seriously not awake yet? You said you'd drive us in today remember?" Alex Karev's rather disgruntled voice rang out from the other side of the door. Meredith groaned again, though a little quieter this time, and pulled the coverlet up over her head. "Meredith?" There came that voice again, penetrating through the walls of her soft, comfortable cocoon. She pushed the covers back down in annoyance, and turned to her silently laughing husband.

"Do you think if I ignore him he'll just go away?" She whispered,

"Alex she's awake! She'll be out in a minute" Derek called out, much to Meredith's annoyance.

"I hate you." She growled through her teeth as he laughed at her pained expression.

"I love you too darling," He told her, still laughing. He leaned over to kiss her before she climbed out of the bed, but she dodged him laughing,

"Oh no, no kisses for you, mc-make-me-get-out-of-bed."

"Oh really?" He replied amused, climbing out of bed to follow her. "Not even if I do this?" He said, wrapping his arms around her waist from behind, "Or this?" He kissed her neck, lingering on the spot where he knew she was the most sensitive, "Or this?" He spun her around in his arms and cupped her face in is hands. His gorgeous smile made her forget completely about her determination, and she leaned in to kiss him back. A sudden flare of pain brought her up short. She pulled away and brought a hand up to her head.

"What's wrong Mer? Is it the headaches again?" Concern written over his face, he wrapped a supporting arm around her waist, all joking aside now. He guided her towards the bed and they sunk back down onto it together. She continued to massage her throbbing temples, waiting for the pain to pass. She knew it would eventually; she'd been having these a lot lately. When it finally eased up she met Derek's ice-blue eyes as she smiled in relief. He opened his mouth to speak, but she cut him off before he could say a word,

"It's fine, I'm fine, the headache's gone now, really, I'm fine," She told him a little shakily.

"Okay the amount of times you said fine in that sentence is enough to tell me that you're not fine. Seriously Mer did you really expect me to believe that? Come on, I'm a neurosurgeon, just let me give you a quick exam!" He said as doubt crossed her features, but his eyes silently pleading her were breaking down all the defences in her mind, and she knew he wouldn't let it go until he was sure she really was fine. Finally, she found herself nodding.

"Okay. You can do it." She said, resigned.

"Good, I have a surgery at four. It will take a couple of hours but you can meet me afterwards. You get off at six right?" She nodded in reply and grabbed the robe hanging on the back of the door, throwing it over her slim frame. She looked over her shoulder, flashing him a glimpse of that radiant smile that only he could bring out in her.

"I still hate you, you know." She said with a wink. He laughed as she disappeared round the corner, and her own tinkling laugh floating back to him was like music to his ears.

* * *

Meredith had another headache. It felt like millions of tiny little people with big heavy boots and metal spikes were stomping around inside her head, and to make matters worse, Alex and April were arguing again.

"Look, all I meant was that you could be a bit nicer sometimes!" April said, shrugging her shoulders.

"No you didn't, you called me a jackass" Alex replied,

"I didn't! I just said that you were a bit-"

"You called me a jackass." He said, cutting her off.

"I swear I didn't! Mer did I? Tell him!" She wailed.

"Aw is lickle bubba running to mummykins?" Alex mocked nastily, "And you still called me a jackass."

"Will you two just give it a rest already?" Meredith yelled. Silence filled the small car, and she had peace and quiet, that lasted for all of about two seconds.

"But Meredith he started it!" April whined,

"But Meredith he started it!" Alex mimicked her, using a high pitched squeaky voice.

"See this is exactly what I'm talking about! You're an annoying, self-centred jerk! And my voice does not sound like that." April criticized.

"Oh I'm annoying?"

"Well yeah that's what I just said!"

"And you're not?"

"Not as annoying as you!"

Meredith gritted her teeth against the pain and took her hands off the wheel for a moment to massage her throbbing temples. The car swerved slightly and she hastily grabbed the steering wheel and righted their path.

"Mer are you okay?" Alex asked, the argument forgotten.

"What? Oh um, yeah I'm fine" She mumbled. God her head was hurting, and her eyes! She couldn't focus on anything! The world was a blur around her. Some rational part of her mind told her to stop the car, but the part that was controlled by the intense burning pain overpowered it. So she sped up. The hospital wasn't too far away; she could get something for the pain there. Besides, her vision was already clearing, she would be fine.

"Meredith, I really think you should slow down now! We're going way too fast!" April cried. Meredith ignored her in the hopes that she might shut up.

"Mer, I hate to say this but… I kinda agree with her. Slow down!" Alex said. She ignored him too. A sudden flare of pain made her accelerate further. She moaned, and black spots danced across her vision. She shook her head to clear them but they persisted. She pressed the accelerator to the floor and began to weave in and out of the heavy rush hour traffic, narrowly missing cars left right and centre. She swerved into the opposite lane, ignoring April's terrified screams, and Alex's cries of panic. Realising what she'd done just a second too late she slammed the brakes on and swerved again to avoid a small car, similar in size to their own, only to steer right into the path of a large truck. It rammed into the car's side, sending it flying, spinning over on the road. The three passengers screamed as they were flung around inside, and just tried to hold themselves together, as they prayed for the world to right itself. When the car finally creaked to a halt, mercifully landing upright, they began, naturally, to assess the damage.

The car was torn to pieces. All the windows were shattered, raining glass all over them, the metal was bent in places, badly twisted out of shape, and April's door had been torn right off.

April herself was nowhere to be found.

"April, APRIL!" Alex yelled. He was covered only in scratches and bruises, but nothing too serious. He began to crawl over the backseat of the car. A small voice, thick with tears was what stopped him.

"Alex it hurts," Meredith sobbed.

"Where hurts Mer?" He replied, struggling through the rubble to get to his friend. "Meredith talk to me! Where hurts!" Alex finally reached her, and gasped at what he saw. Her eyes were closed, and blood was spurting profusely from a deep laceration on her forehead. Her arms hung limply by her side and her legs were barely visible, covered in blood and trapped underneath the car's dashboard, which now resembled something out of a junkyard. There was blood everywhere. "No Mer don't sleep! You need to stay awake!" He shook her shoulder gently, cautious not to jostle her more than necessary, and her eyes fluttered open. He tore off a strip of his shirt and pressed it against her forehead in an attempt to staunch the heavy blood flow. Her forehead creased underneath his fingers and her eyes filled with jewel-bright tears. He breathed a sigh of relief and gave her a brief smile.

"Alex help" She managed to choke out. "Alex it hurts. Please help." He looked around hurriedly. There were cars strewn all over both lanes, and he could see one or two people starting to move around in a daze. He glanced at Meredith then looked back out the window

"I can't- I can't see many people. Oh God they're not- They can't all be dead? Oh God!" He rambled. Meredith started to cry, her earlier tears spurting down her cheeks, mingling with the blood that was still flowing heavily

"This is my fault. I did this. I killed them all." She sobbed.

"It's okay Mer, it's gonna be okay." He told her. He needed help badly. She was going to bleed out soon, despite the now blood-soaked strip of fabric that was still pressed to her head, and God knows what other injuries she might have. He glanced out of the shattered window again and made up his mind. He tore off another strip of his shirt and used it to tie the first strip in place. "I'm going to get help, don't worry, it's gonna be okay, I'll be back." He reassured her, scrambling back over the seats to the door-shaped hole in the side of the car. Meredith watched him go, panic rising in her chest. She tried to call out to him, to stop him from leaving her, but a warm, smooth liquid came bubbling up her throat, effectively stopping her from speaking. Her body was wracked with coughs, she couldn't breathe and the dark red liquid just kept coming. She sobbed as the tears and blood streamed down her face, and she fought to just get one breath.

_This is it, _she thought, _I'm going to die._

Then all of a sudden, she could breathe again. Coughing and spluttering, crying with fear and relief she tried, one more time, to call out to someone, anyone, before she blacked out.

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**Hey there again dear reader!**

**So what did you think? Leave a review if you wish, anything is welcome, constructive criticism duly accepted, and if you think anything can be improved please do let me know!**


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